I had my second appointment with my personal trainer tonight.

The first appointment was not very exciting. It was just a meet and greet. We talked about my goals, my habits and of course, took those dreaded measurements (I updated my weight loss ticker to reflect my weight on the scale at the gym.) Eck. I am in sad shape. Seriously. How did I let myself get this bad?  But.....I am owning it and moving forward to make the changes.

I have been doing zumba about 2-3 times a week. Not as much as I would like to be doing, but it is all that I can squeeze in time wise for now.

I have never worked with a personal trainer before. I did not realize that is about more then them being in your face and screaming at you to work harder.

She is going to work with me on improving my nutrition. She is going to help tailor my nutrition to my lifestyle and what i like to eat. It is not going to be a one-size fits all program.

She started me on some supplements (calcium and Omega-3.) I never realized that supplementation is the next most important thing, after food intake, that you can do to get your body healthy.

I think this is actually one of the first times that I have ever been excited about trying to make some healthy changes. I really am feeling confident that I can do it this time. I feel like God is putting all the pieces in place for me to finally take care of myself.

You haven't seen a post here in a while because there really has not been anything to report. 

My eating has gotten a lot better. I did fall off a little bit around the 4th of July with all the BBQ's and whatnot. But I am trying to get myself back up on that wagon this week. 

I joined a gym! 

There was a new gym in the area that opened and they had a really good intro special. 

I have decided that I am the type that will not exercise at home. I will find something else to do. I need to go to the gym and get away to exercise. 

I had my first Zumba class today. I have done Zumba in the past and I love it. It gives me the facade that I am not really exercising, but I am just dancing. 

I also got a personal trainer for the first month to teach me the machines and get me into a routine. 

My first session is Monday night. 

I have not been reading my books lately because I have had sick kids and a sick husband so by the time evening gets here, I do not want to read. I am going to open my books back up this evening. 

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get rid of the carb cravings? 

I am doing pretty well with the chocolate and sugars, but man it is hard to give up those carbs. 

Ending the War

".......understanding the relationship with food is a direct path to coming home after a lifetime of being exiled. Perhaps that home is what God has always meant it to be."

I am wondering if this is God's last path to take me down to bring me completely home and back to Him. Has He allowed me down this path, this dysfunctional relationship with food,  in order to lead me to Him? Where is He going with this? 

".....so many perfect girls were raised entirely without organized religion, and the majority of the rest of us experienced "spirituality" only in the form of mandatory holiday services with a big-haired grandmother.....Overlay our dearth of spiritual exploration with our excess of training in ambition...and you have a generation of godless girls...raised largely without a fundamental sense of divinity. In fact, our worth in the world has always been tied to our looks...not the amazing miracle of mere existence." 

WOW. How true this is. Our worth in the world has ALWAYS been tied to our looks. It has always been about how pretty we are, how thin we are, etc, etc. We have never been taught by society to just relish the "amazing miracle of our mere existence." That last line hit me like a ton of bricks when I first read it. I have always had conditions in my life. At first, it was about being smart enough, responsible enough, a good daughter, a good sister and measuring up to who my father wanted me to be. Once I got out from underneath that, it was too late. I now measured myself in the same manner. When you have had something so ingrained into you (you will never measure up, you are not good enough) for your entire life, it is hard to believe anything different. You start believing it yourself. It is hard to bask in the beauty of the miracle of your existence.

"Women turn to food when they are not hungry because they are hungry for something they can't name: a connection to what is beyond the concerns of daily life......But replacing the hunger for divine connection with Double Stuf Oeros is like give a glass of sand to a person dying of thirst. It creates more thirst, more panic. Combine the utter inefficacy of dieting with the lack of spiritual awareness and we have generations of mad, ravenous, self-loathing women. We have become so obsessed with getting rid of our obsession, with riding on top of our suffering and ignoring its inherent message, that we lose the pieces of ourselves waiting to be found beneath it. But fixing ourselves is not the same as being ourselves." 

I can relate to this a great deal. Food has always been my comfort. It has always been my way of dealing with things in my life. I was not "allowed" to talk about my own feelings in my father's house. We were taught that we just needed to be quiet and obey; push the feelings down and just be obedient. It was the only way you didn't get in trouble and to keep the peace. I have definitely grown into a "mad, ravenous, self-loathing woman." I am often mad at the world for no good reason. I am ravenous to fill the emptiness that still resides within me. I loath myself; my appearance, my personality, etc. It is hard for me to find something that I really, truly and honestly, like about myself. But I admit, I have always thought of it as having to "fix" myself. I never realized that maybe it is just a matter of being myself.

"The relentless attempts to be thin take you further and further away from what could actually end your suffering: getting back in touch with who you really are. Your true nature. Your essence."

I need to find out who this is. I need to discover who I really am. I need to find my true nature; my essence. Along the way, that has gotten lost and buried beneath all of the pain and hurt that have happened in my life. The true me has gotten hidden behind so many walls that I don't even know where to begin at chipping it down. But I know there is a way. I know there is Someone who can help me. I know there is a heavenly Father who knows the true me and He loves me for it; for just being me. He will help me.

"Compulsive eating is an attempt to avoid the absence (of love, comfort, knowing what to do) when we find ourselves in the desert of a particular moment, feeling, situation. In the process of resisting the emptiness, in the act of turning away from our feelings, of trying and trying again to lose the same twenty, fifty, eighty pounds, we ignore what could utterly transform us. But when we welcome what we most want to avoid, we evoke that in us that is not a story, not caught in the past, not some old image of ourselves. We evoke divinity itself. And in doing so, we can hold emptiness, old hurts, fear in our cupped hands and behold our missing hearts."

I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I started using food as a comfort. But as I am looking back to my childhood and uncovering old hurts, I am sure that it started as an attempt to avoid the absence of love. I did not feel loved and secure in my home as a child should feel. I grew up in a home where affection was not given and love had to be earned; it was conditional on your behavior, your obedience and your merits. So I used food to fill that void. I used food to replace the love that was missing.

Because I was taught to not talk about my feelings, that my feelings were not important, I have a lot of old hurts and wounds that I have never healed from. Things that I did not even realize were still affecting me. Things that I had long since buried.

God is taking me down a path to revisit those old wounds. He is helping me to revisit those moments and to deal with my emotions and feelings so that I can cup it in my hands, lift it up to him and let go. Only after completing that process will I find my hidden heart. Only then can I heal. Only then can I find my true nature; my essence. Only then can I begin to be healthy.

*Disclaimer~ All quotes in italics came from the book Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything*

I am linking up with Angie over at Angie's Healthy Living Blog for Watch my Weight Wednesdays. 

Hopefully I will gain some good recipes and insight to help me. 

I have been doing pretty well on making changes to get healthy.

I have gotten rid of 95% of the junk and replaced it with fruits and veggies.

I have been trying to get more exercise in and get rid of my couch potato status. I really dislike exercise, so this one is a hard one for me. I am trying to at least get some time in on the Wii for 20-30 minutes a day. I went to Zumba on Thursday with a friend. I had forgotten how much I love doing Zumba and how fun it is. I also forgot how good it feels after an hour of fun, hard exercise. I will certainly be going back weekly to do that.

I am working my way through Beth Moore's book So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us. I also picked up the book Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth after a suggestion from one of my readers. I have read the introduction and already gotten so much out of just that.

Despite all the changes I have made, my blood pressure has not come down too much. It has moved down a little bit, but not as much as it needs to. According to the Wii, however, I have lost about 4 pounds, which I guess is something.

I am just disappointed that my blood pressure has not come down since that is my ultimate goal. I fear that despite all the lifestyle changes I have made, I will still end up on the medication.It is so hard to keep moving forward with the changes when my ultimate goal (lower blood pressure) does not seem to be within reach.

I know I am making progress. I know I am living a lot healthier. But will it be enough?

I talked to my mom and she said that high blood pressure does run in our family quite a bit. That makes me feel somewhat better that part of this is just plain genetics and not entirely me. I know that I do have blame in this because my weight is too high and genetics didn't make me sit and eat half a bag of chips. However, it is highly likely that I would have had BP issues sometime in my life because of the genetics.

This weekend went pretty well. Weekends are usually the hardest time for me because Jon is home and he can eat whatever he wants and not gain an ounce. But I did pretty well. Definitely not perfect, but change is not going to happen overnight.


I have been snacking on veggies dipped in hummus instead of chips and sweets.
I have replaced most of my soda habit with water. This has been a big one because I have never really been a fan of water.
Instead of sitting in front of the TV every night, I have been doing at least 30 mins on the Wii, sometimes more.

Tonight I will be starting my Beth Moore book.

I also got a suggestion to try the book Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth so I am going to check that one out too.

Now that I have had some time to wallow a little bit and to process everything, I am starting to get a game plan and take action. However, I did have to finish off the last of the ice cream this afternoon because I just cannot let it go to waste. BUT, I will not be buying it anymore.

~ I went and bought Wii Fit Plus. I am going to start using that every day. I know it is not continual cardio exercise, but at least it gets me up and moving.

~ If it is not raining, I am going to grab my iPod (after I download a bunch of praise and worship songs) and go for a walk. I will be using that time not only to exercise, but as my time with the Lord. I got this idea from a past Beth Moore video.

~ I am going to open up my book So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore and tackle some of those insecurities and maybe it will help me with this process.

~ The doctor told me that I did not have to count calories. I could eat as much as I wanted of fresh fruits and veggies and lean meats. Watch the dairy (make sure it is low fat) and the carbs. Just get rid of the junk.
I also won a weeks subscription to Freshology Diet Delivery during the live webcast over at 24/7 Moms.

~ I bought a Blood Pressure Monitor so that I can check it myself daily as the doctor suggested. Although, I did buy a manual one and I am quite inept at it, so I may take it back and get an electronic one.

~ Prayer

So, as of right now, that is my game plan. We shall see how I do and where it leads me. 

I am back

I am going to start trying to get back on this wagon. I am going to start posting here again. I am going to start trying to get healthy.

Check out my other blog, Are you there God? It's Me to find out what has prompted me back.

1. Breakfast was a smoothie. I skipped the spinach this time and it was better, but the protein powder still had this grainy type texture to it, so I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to stick with those or not. 
2. I got in 70oz of water. 
3. No exercise today. We went and got the kids pictures done. 

One problem I seem to be having is my evening exercise. I thought it would be easier to get it done in the evening after the kids went to bed, but that doesn't seem to be working out so well. I'm not sure what I"m going to do there or how I'm going to solve that.

How are you all doing out there?

I weighed myself today for the new challenge. 159.8lbs. I guess I should count that as a good thing because I haven't just been packing weight on.

So, since I have only 1/2 arsed done my goals, these are my mini goals for this weeks Cute as a Bunny Easter Challenge. I'm going to give them another shot.

Mini Goals

1. Eat breakfast; no matter what. And 1 cup of coffee does not make it breakfast.
2. Exercise at least 20 minutes/day 4 times a week. 
3. Drink at least 68oz of water/day. 

Today~

1. Breakfast was oatmeal with 1 pkt of Splenda and a handful of craisins, with a glass of milk.
2. Exercise was a 20 minute walk with the family and then 15 minutes of Wii Fit. 
3. I made it to 68oz of water/day. 

1. I did not eat breakfast. We woke up late today and I was not able to get breakfast in before heading out to church. 
2. I got in 60oz of water. 
3. No exercise. It was Valentine's Day and I spent the time with my husband that I would normally be exercising. 

Okay, so I'm pretty much sucking at my goals so far. But.....tomorrow is the first day of the Cute as a Bunny Easter Challenge and I am hoping that will get me motivated to really get those goals met.

A challenge!

1. Breakfast today was oatmeal with craisins and 1 packet of splenda and a glass of milk. 
2. I was able to get in 60 oz of water. 
3. No exercise. Saturday is another of my free days. 

In order to help kick my bum into gear, I'm joining the Cute as a Bunny Easter Challenge over at Ah..Me So Hongry! The challenge starts Monday, February 15, 2010 and ends Monday, April 5, 2010 (7 weeks.) I don't know how well I'm going to do with how slowly I am easing into this, but....it may just give me the motivation I need. Be sure to head on over there and check out the challenge.

1. Okay, so I attempted breakfast this morning. I have heard a lot of people talk about "green" smoothies that have in the morning, so I thought it was worth a shot. I went and got some chocolate flavored protein powder and some fat free yogurt. I had some frozen fruits and a can of spinach in the pantry. So, away I went this morning to make my shake. Well, the protein powder didn't dissolve enough or something because it was still kind of gritty and powdery. And as far as the fact of not being able to taste the spinach, well, they were wrong; I could definitely taste it. So, I ended up dumping it and had a bagel and a cup of coffee. 
2. I got in 70oz of water. 
3. No exercise today. I decided that Fridays will be one of my free days for no exercise.
   

Anyone have any suggestions or advice on these "green" smoothies? What did I do wrong?

Thank you to all of my beautiful friends and your kind words. They were definitely helpful to me to step back and take a fresh look at things.

I think I tried to do too much all at once. I have to remember that it took me 31 25 years to create these habits and it is going to take a little longer then 2 weeks to break them. Sometimes, baby steps is okay.

So......I have decided to make 3 goals/changes to start with and then add 1 new goal/change each week. Hopefully this will decrease some of the pressure that I put upon myself as well as give each habit a chance to be changed and reinforced before changing something else.

Tomorrow's first set of goals~

1. Eat breakfast; no matter what. And 1 cup of coffee does not make it breakfast.
2. Exercise at least 20 minutes/day 4 times a week. 
3. Drink at least 68oz of water/day.

Next Friday, I will add one more goal/change in addition to these beginning 3.

 *Warning* This post is real. It is raw. It is who I am and what I feel. I apologize in advance for the rambling post.

All right. I have not posted in quite some time. I did take a blogging break, but I was planning on still continuing here. However, that obviously did not happen.

I have run out of motivation already. It seems like as soon as I quit/could not do Metabolism Miracle, all motivation and gusto went straight out the window. I seem to be continuing the same cycle that I always get on. I get motivated and excited. I plan, find a new diet or a new exercise, and get started. Then I peter out. I give up.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I have food issues. I have eating issues. And I don't know how to fix them or make them better. If there is junk in the house, I will eat it. If I'm at a social gathering, I will eat it. I have no discipline, no willpower, no motivation.

I hate my body. I hate the way I look. I want to live a healthy life for my children. I want to be able to play with them without getting tired. I want to be able to shop for clothes and not get depressed.

And yet, none of this seems to motivate me enough. None of these things keep me on track.

I cannot stay on track. I cannot continue to eat healthy. I cannot continue to exercise. 

I am fat. I am obese. I am ugly. I am disgusting. I cannot understand how my husband finds me attractive. I cannot understand how my husband can like to look at me.

I have such low self-esteem. I have my whole life. A large part of it comes from my father and how he treated me.

How do I get myself out of this? It seems like every time I try, I fail. I am just a big, huge failure and I just continue to get more and more unhealthy and fatter and fatter.

I'm lost. I don't know what to do, where to go, where to turn, how to pull myself out. All I know is that I do not like what I see in the mirror (if I ever looked in a mirror.)

Sometimes, I even wonder if I am addicted to food. Is that a real addiction? If so, what do you do to get over it. It's not like you can just go cold turkey and quit eating food. We need food in order to survive.

How fat do I have to get? How obese am I going to be? 

I don't know where to go from here. I can dust myself off and get back up on that wagon, but am I fighting a losing battle? Am I destined to be fat forever? Is there ever going to be anything that works for me and helps me stay motivated and get the weight off? It seems like nothing works for me, no matter how hard I try. I lose a little bit, then I stall, then I go back to old habits.

Where does it end? When will it end?

WHY is it so hard? What is so difficult about this?

Fallen

Friday Meal Plan
B~ 1 fried egg, 2 slices turkey bacon
S~ string cheese
L~ Chicken salad
D~ Turkey wrap
S~ chocolate fondue, cupcake, tiramasu



Exercise~ None. I know. The diet is not going to work miracles without the exercise. But today, I woke up and my migraine is gone but I have that hangover feeling after having one. Hopefully I get back to shredding tomorrow.

Yep. That's sugar you see on my list. Apparently, I have been starving my son all day, because I wasn't producing enough milk and it took me all day to realize this. Poor baby.
Anyway, I guess I will have to wait until I am done nursing my baby before I can do the Metabolism Miracle and I will just have to go back to "healthy" eating and exercising. =(


Hey, if you have a second, go swing by Coach Dayne's blog and check out his post on discipline. I apparently need to re-read it.

Thursday Meal Plan
B~ fried egg
S~ egg & cheese casserole, coffee
L~ cheese stick, salad
D~ Taco salad


Exercise~ Again, none. I'm still fighting off that migraine. =(

Wednesday Meal Plan
B~ 1 fried egg, 2 slices Turkey Bacon, coffee
L~ Chicken Salad
S~ Cheese stick
D~ Turkey wrap, cauliflower w/cheese & sour cream
S~ Cottage cheese



I spent most of the morning snoozing on the couch with a bad headache. I don't know if that was a blessing or not since I just slept through my carb cravings. LOL

Exercise~ None. Still had a small headache and I was feeling a little weak from the detox.

Day 1~ Metabolism Miracle

Okay, so today is day 1 of the Metabolism Miracle. I am going to go through an 8 week detox so that my body can quit being overloaded on the carbs and sugar and then reteach it how to process them effectively so that I can lose weight.

I'm not supposed to weigh myself for the entire 8 week detox because the weight can fluctuate so much, but I just don't see that happening. I will have to do at least every 2 weeks and do the measurements monthly. I will not be taking a new picture. I'm going to wait 1 month from now, after the first month of Metabolism Miracle.

Here are my stats from this morning along with the recommended measurements that the book says you should take~

BMI~ 34.6
Weight~ 159.8
Neck~ 14.5"
Chest~ 44.5"
Bra line~ 39"
Waist~ 42.5"
Hips~ 47"
Right thigh~ 24.5"
Left thigh~ 24"
Right calf~ 15"
Left calf~ 15"
Right ankle~ 9"
Left ankle~ 8.75"
Right upper arm~ 13"
Left upper arm~ 12"
Right wrist~ 6.25"
Left wrist~ 6"


According to my original measurements I took a couple of weeks ago I am -.5" in my waist, -.25 in my hips, and my arms & thighs are about the same. 
It helps me to feel like I at least did some good. 


 

Tuesday Meal Plan
B~ Cottage Cheese, coffee
S~ Tiny salad, String Cheese
L~ oven roasted chicken wrap w/avocado, tomato, cheese; cauliflower w/ranch
S~ Fried Egg
D~ Chicken Salad
S~ Cottage Cheese


Exercise~ 30 minutes of Wii Fit.

I feel like I'm dying. I seriously don't know if I have the will power to make it through the withdrawals. This sucks. I just want a big fat bowl of sugar. Or a bagel. Anything. I don't know how anyone makes it through this. But knowing this is my mindset, after reading the book, I am definitely Metabolism B and I need this book. But it is going to be heck making it through these first few days.
I'm also worried that I will get bored of eating the same foods. I'm not much of a meat eater and I don't care for a lot of different kinds of vegetables. So I have no idea what I'm going to eat. I think I need to go on the message boards and try to get some recipes.

Fresh Start

Yep. I know. I was supposed to start Metabolism Miracle and get back on the wagon today. But it didn't happen. I wasn't able to make it to the store Sunday night for all my veggies. I did try to eat decently today though.
So...now I'm all stocked up on the foods I can eat and I will be starting fresh tomorrow.
I'm a little scared. I am supposed to go 8 weeks without carbs and not much sugar. There are PLENTY of foods that I can eat, so hopefully that will help counteract the no list.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Carbs and sugar....sugar and carbs

Yep. It has been a few days since I posted anything here. That's because I fell off the wagon. Hard. And the only reason I bumped was because of all the jelly around my belly.

It was not a good week. PMS was rearing its ugly head. I'm sure you can sympathize (the women anyway) about how all you want to do is eat sugar and carbs when you are PMSing. I'm also usually tired with very low energy, which means little or no exercise.

I tried to still get in a little bit of Wii Fit at least. I haven't shredded in almost a week.

BUT(and I have a big one).....as I'm trying to keep in mind this time, is that next week is a new week and just because I hit a bump this week doesn't mean that I failed the journey.

I have read up on my Metabolism Miracle book. I have studied and psyched myself up. I went grocery shopping tonight. I'm ready. Maybe. Monday is THE day. I hope.


Hopefully everyone else had a better week then I did.

Meal Plan

Tuesday Meal Plan

B~ Total whole grain
S~ coffee
L~ English muffin w/PB, 1/2 banana, jello mousse temptations
D~ Pioneer Woman Beans, cornbread (lots of it,) cooked broccoli (with mayo)
S~ Cake, more cornbread, glass of milk





Exercise~ None. 


I don't know if I really am PMSing or what is going on with me. I need someone to come over here and smack some motivation back into me. I don't know where it went.




Thank you to Traci for reminding me the real reason I am getting healthy.

Thanks to Amy for her little pep talk on my non weight loss. You can see what she said in the comments section of the post below.

Weigh in

Today's weigh in~ 159.8

Well, I am down from last week, but I still haven't caught up to where I first started. I'm really getting discouraged and I don't understand what is going on with my body.
I'm hitting The Metabolism Miracle hard today to get through reading it.

Meal Plan

Monday Meal Plan

B~ Total Whole grain
S~ Coffee
L~ 2 English muffins w/butter, 1/2 pear, coleslaw, Reese's PB crunchy bar, Reese's PB Whips
D~ Egg & cheese omelet, fried potatoes, bacon, glass of milk
S~ small piece of cake



Exercise~ None. I had no motivation.

I did okay yesterday. It was my husbands birthday so I did eat a little more at dinner time and had a little bit of cake and ice cream. I also took the day off from exercising to let my muscles recuperate.

I had a horrible eating day today. I'm pretty sure PMS is rearing its ugly head. Fun times.

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I am so hoping for some sort of loss after last weeks gain, but after today, I'm not so sure. 

I'm trying to remember that the next day/next week is brand new and I can start it fresh. 

Meal Plan

Saturday Meal Plan

B~ sausage & cheese frittata, glass of milk
L~ 6" oven roasted chicken breast sub
D~ 4 hard shell tacos, 3/4 c refried beans, cherry coca-cola
S~ Reese's PB Cup Whips






Exercise~15 minutes Wii Fit

Meal Plan

Friday Meal Plan

B~ sausage & cheese frittata, glass of milk
S~ 2 Nature Valley nut clusters
L~ Progresso Santa Fe Chicken soup w/sour cream, 3/4 pear
D~ 6" oven roasted turkey breast sub, baked lays chips, diet soda
S~ coffee, carrots w/ranch, 2 handfuls peanut m&m's


Exercise~ 15 minutes Your Shape, 2 Just Dance songs, 15 minutes The Biggest Loser: The Workout - Weight Loss Yoga

Meal Plan

Thursday Meal Plan

B~ sausage & egg frittata, glass of milk
S~ Coffee, banana, miniature muffin
L~ Progresso beef stew
D~ baked potato w/chili, salad
S~ 4 bite size hershey's, coffee, doughnut

Exercise~None. I had bunco.

Meal Plan

Wednesday Meal Plan

B~ sausage & cheese frittata, glass of milk
S~ coffee
L~ Progresso Light beef stew, celery w/PB
D~ Tuna Sandwich, carrots, coleslaw
S~ Cottage cheese, kiwi


Exercise~The Shred, Level 1

The shred certainly didn't kick my bum as much as it did the first day, so it must be doing something for me.

I have started reading The Metabolism Miracle. I'm hoping, from what I have read so far, that this is the answer I have been searching for. I will post on it in the future once I get into it more.

Portion Control

One of my goals is to learn how to portion control and not over eat. I know that this is one of my problems as well as a lot of what is going on in America. With "go Large" and "super size" out there, it is hard not to over eat. After doing a little research, I am amazed at what a true portion size is. I did learn a little bit about this when I was on the gestational diabetes diet during my pregnancies, but it is still not something that has been ingrained in my head yet.


Here are a few examples~

• 1 small baked potato = computer mouse
• 1.5oz hard cheese = 3 dice
• 1/2 C ice cream = light bulb
• 1 C popcorn = baseball
• 3 oz cooked chicken = deck of cards
• 1 banana = length of pencil (about 8")
• 1 tbsp butter, margarine, salad dressing = poker chip
• 1 slice of cake = deck of cards
• 1 slice of pizza = 2 dollar bills

You can see a much more extensive slide show of different foods and portion sizes on WebMD.

I also learned that there is a difference between serving size and a portion. The Mayo Clinic says "A serving isn't what you happen to put on your plate. A serving is a specific amount of food defined by common measurements, such as cups or tablespoons. In contrast, a portion is the amount of food you put on your plate. For instance, a pancake serving is 4 inches (as shown on the left). But a typical portion you might eat is 6 inches — or 1 1/2 servings. Similarly, a serving of milk is 8 ounces, but the portion you pour might be twice that size."
There is more to the slide show and some more great info here.

While I have been trying to eat less, I still may not have been having the proper serving size for my food items. I will definitely be paying better attention to that this week.

Weigh In

Tuesday Meal Plan

B~ Total Whole Grain
S~ cheese stick
L~ Tuna sandwich, coleslaw, 1/2 banana
D~ Sausage & Cheese frittata, dinner roll, salad, milk
S~ Popcorn



Exercise~ I had to work doing the evening childcare at church for our MOPS so I did not get a chance to workout tonight.

Well, I did my weigh in this morning and I am up to 161lbs. I am a little discouraged. I thought I did pretty well on my eating and I have definitely cut back on my portion sizes. I have certainly been making healthier food choices. I am trying not to get too down and keep moving forward, but it is hard when I thought I did well. I know I wasn't perfect and I didn't expect a loss, but I certainly wasn't expecting a gain.

I'm just trying to remember that I was sick at the beginning of the week and I didn't work out as much as I was hoping. But, since I was not exercising AT ALL, I had thought even the couple of times that I did would make a difference.

I did receive my book The Metabolism Miracle yesterday in the mail so I am going to start reading that.

I hope you are all having better weeks then I am.

Monday Meal Plan
B~ Total whole grain w/craisins
S~ coffe, 1/4 bagel, 6 lil' smokies, 2Tbsp egg casserole, tiny chunk of blueberry coffee cake
L~ small burger king hamburger, 1 C coleslaw
S~Yoplait yogurt parfait, coffee
D~ cottage cheese, english muffin, handful of sauteed (olive oil and garlic) shrimp
S~ popcorn

Exercise~ The Shred


I did a little coupon talk for a MOPS group with some other ladies today so I splurged a little bit, but it was definitely not a full plate like I would have done in the past.
I also had a coffee date with a friend tonight. I got a non-fat and no whip. Big improvement for me.

Tomorrow is weigh in day. We shall see what the bell tolls.

I got my book in the mail today and I can't wait to start reading it. 

What are your favorite, low-cal snacks?

The weekend

Well, I did okay this weekend. Certainly not great but definitely better then I have done in the past. I need to work on my weekend eating. It is hard on the weekends because our schedule is different and we are out doing a lot of things.

Today is Sunday and I did The Shred on Friday night. Yep. I'm still pretty sore, so I decided to take one more day off from exercising to recuperate.

I made it to the grocery store and stocked up on fruits and veggies, so hopefully that will help.

How did you do this weekend?

Meal Plan & Exercise

Friday Meal Plan
B~ Special K w/strawberries, coffee
L~ lentil soup, 1/2 apple, celery w/PB

D~ Seafood fajita, handful of chips (small white tortillas, filled with seafood & veggies, although it was cooked in butter and I added a bit of sour cream,) sliver of cake, 2 small scoops of ice cream
S~ glass of milk

I decided to skip early snacks since I knew I was going out to dinner and I would probably be eating extra calories. I had a glass of milk before bed since I did a workout, I wanted to put something back into my body.

Exercise~ Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Okay, it was definitely intense. It kicked my bum. However, it was a good kicking. I liked that each circuit she did was different exercises so it wasn't repetitive and it made the time go even faster. It really did not feel like a 20 minute workout. We shall see how I feel tomorrow.

I'm not really sure how I did with the food area. I'm hoping to maybe get to the grocery store tomorrow. We shall see. 

Funny

I have decided that I am going to start doing my weekly weigh-ins like this~

 Thanks Jen for the funny!

Thursday Meal Plan

B~ Special K w/strawberries

S~ Cinnamon toast crunch

L~ Coffee, celery w/PB, apple

S~ bag of goldfish, 3 c popcorn

D~ Pizza (in my defense, the pizza was loaded with veggies)

S~

No exercise today. Tomorrow is a new day.

I have not been feeling well so my eating has not been good today. I have a cold and today has been bad and I've just been grabbing junk when I'm hungry. Not to mention that I haven't been able to go to the grocery store and get some healthy foods since I've been sick.


I'm also a little worried about this weekend's eating. I have a birthday party dinner to go out to tomorrow night which will be Mexican food and that is my weakness. Then Saturday evening we are having people over to play games and I know there will be snacky food. 

I hope I feel better so that I can at least get my workouts in to counter the eating. I have been trying to keep drinking my water too.

I'm still looking for some kind of widget or log that I can post here to track my exercise/activity or calories burned or something.

Meal Plan and Measurements

Wednesday
Breakfast~ Special K w/strawberries, coffee
Snack~ 1/2 banana
Lunch~ Tuna wrap w/avocado and lettuce, 1/2 apple, glass of milk
Snack~ Celery w/peanut butter
Dinner~ 1C Lentil soup, pear, glass of milk
Snack~ 3C popcorn

Exercise~ Well, seeing that I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a cough and the fact that i still haven't gotten my Shred DVD in the mail, I decided to take it easy and just do a 20 minute yoga workout.


Okay, so it was kindly pointed out to me by my friend Johanna that I should also take physical measurements. When you start exercising, sometimes you don't lose weight because you are gaining muscle as you lose the fat, but you can lose inches. So, here are my measurements. I will be checking my measurements monthly.

Waist~ 43"
Hips~ 46.75"
Arms~ 13"
Thighs~ 24.5"

I found a couple of cool tools on My Fitness Pal.

What is BMR?

You BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) is an estimate of how many calories you'd burn if you were to do nothing but rest for 24 hours. It represents the minimum amount of energy needed to keep your body functioning, including breathing and keeping your heart beating.
Your BMR does not include the calories you burn from normal daily activities or exercise.
Our calculator uses the Mifflin-St. Jeor equations to estimate your BMR which is believed to be more accurate than the more commonly used Harris-Benedict equation. 
  
Your estimated BMR is: 1,311 calories/day

They also have a BMI calculator. And a weight loss ticker. They also have some a neat food diary and exercise log that you can use. Best of all, it is all FREE! Go check them out.

 

My Story

I was not one of those kids that was "chunky" or a "healthy weight." I was actually quite petite and tiny for my age when I was a child. My mom tells me that I did not gain a pound from age 4 until about 6. I don't know what my eating habits were like back then (except I do know that I did not like to eat meat) or my activity level; I have no memories that young. I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that it was just my mom and I or if it was just plain old genetics.

Then we moved back in with my father and puberty hit. My body has never been the same since. I did not grow up with a healthy example of eating. Dinner almost always included something fried, a lot of starches and carbs and on occasional vegetable out of the can.

I was a shy, introverted child who lived in a home with a father who was a hermit and controlling. Needless to say, we did not go a lot of places or do a lot of things. A lot of my preteen and teen years were spent in my room reading books or watching TV or playing computer games. Sports and exercise were not a part of my daily life. I was never "fat" as a teen, but I could definitely have used to lose a few pounds; "chunky" is a word often used to describe me then.There are quite a few other reasons that lead to my food issues, but I'd rather not discuss them to in depth. Just suffice it to say that food became my comfort.

Then I left home and went away to college. I did of course gain a few pounds (freshman 15 anyone?) but nothing that was out of control; I would say I was little past the "chunky" but certainly not obese. My second year at college I had a very active, very thin roommate. Instead of acting negative towards her, I watched and learned from her and decided I was going to do something to make myself healthy. I enrolled in karate of all things (plus it fulfilled my PE requirement for my credits) and I started eating a lot healthier. I did very well. I got down to about 118, which was not where I wanted to be, but it was the thinnest and healthiest I had ever been.

Then I met my boyfriend (Jon) and it all went downhill again. You see, he is the type of person that can eat whatever he wants and not gain an ounce. He has a very fast metabolism and he is pretty active, so he could put away the food (still can) like no one else. Well, I thought, of course, that I could keep up with his eating. Wrong. So very, very wrong. Not to mention that I had fulfilled my PE credits so I was no longer exercising.

Well, I continued to yo-yo between "chunky" and "fat" for a quite a few years. I've tried to lose the weight, but it seems that sometimes the harder I try and the more I stick to what I'm supposed to be doing, the harder it is to lose the weight. I always seem to get to a certain point and that is as far as I get. So I get discouraged and I quit.

Then I got pregnant for the first time. I was in a "chunky" stage so my doctor wasn't too concerned, but kept an eye on my weight. Then I got gestational diabetes and I was put on a very strict diet. Boy did that ever suck. Someone telling me what I can and cannot eat again. I stuck to it and I even ended up losing weight because I lost fat, but gained baby weight. So after I delivered, I weighed less then when I first got pregnant. But as soon as I was off the diet, I went to eating all the things that I was restricted from on the diet and gained most of it all back. I knew we were planning on another baby, so I figured there was no reason to go through the work of losing weight and then gaining it all back with another baby.

With the second pregnancy, I didn't do quite as well on the diet (yes, I had gestational diabetes again,) but I still stuck to it pretty well. I ended up weighing less again after the baby was born.

Then I went through a bought of depression. Along with that, the weight packed on because I didn't go anywhere or do anything (that is another story within itself.) Once I got on medication, I tried losing a little bit of weight, but apparently most anti-depression medications cause you to hold the weight and it makes it even harder to lose weight. So, I gave up. I didn't even try. And the weight packed on. Then I packed on some more.

Then I got pregnant this last time. I was at my highest weight ever, even higher then with any of my pregnancies. I was disgusted with myself. I have some serious food issues. I know this. But that is no excuse to be at the weight that I am. To be at the risk for health issues. "Chunky" is one thing, but obese is a whole other story. So I made it through the pregnancy with gestational diabetes again (which I got a lot sooner this time) and I did not do as well on the diet. I tried. Somewhat. But after the third time, I just couldn't do it anymore.

Since I had the baby, I have made no effort to eat healthy, exercise or anything of that sort.

So....here I am. Fat. Obese. At risk for health issues.

I know that eating the food is a choice. But sometimes I don't know how to get past my issues with food. I don't know how to get over that hump and make healthy choices. I don't know how to retrain my brain.

I am beginning this journey here. I am going to go about this with the mindset that I want to get healthy. I'm not doing it to be thin or to look pretty (although it is a nice benefit.) I am doing this for my health. I am doing this for my husband and my children so that I can be here for them for a very long time.

I am doing this for my Father. In order for His light to shine brightly through me, I need to have a healthy temple for Him to place that light and to allow it to shine through to others.